EmmettSugarVoturi Danger
by WhatIsMyName13
Summary: Basically, it's my deranged scribblings about the time the Cullen boys spiked Emmetts drink while in Voltera, funny, i hope, Very OoC.... sorry
1. CarlBear

**HiYA! This is Zee, I dunno why I call myself that but anyways, second Fanfiction, PLEASE REVIEW ME!!**

**Oh yea...I don't own Twilight, I only wish I did**

**Chapter Dedicated to: Hay, I shall now call her that, she knows who she is.... No Cullen Sandwiches here Hay!**

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**Edward's thoughts:** Okay, I admit it. It was kind of a bad idea to get Jasper to spike Emmett with sugar, but he is hyper nearly all the time, I wanted to see what would happen if he ate sugar, But it was especially bad because Jasper had spiked Emmet in Volterra, during an important banquet, ooops.....

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**Rosalie: **Emmett, is something wrong?

**Emmett:** I think someone has spiked my.....

**Rosalie: **What?

**Emmett: **SUGAR!!!!!!!

[Streets of Volterra, 5 minutes later]

**Emmett's thoughts:** Woo....Shiny...skin....sparkly....kitty......oh no kitty dead...not meant to sit on cats....sob....sob.....LOOK ANOTHER KITTY!!!

Oh my Carlisle, that doggy just ate that cat, sobby, but maybe it was Jacob, dam that huge red dog, not russet Bella, what kind of colour is RUSSET?....it's like rust.....mmmm......like blood.....yum....oh human......drools....blood.....

**Emmett: **'NO BLOOD FOR EMMETT!! EMMETT WANT SUGER!! WHY DOES PEOPLES LOOKY AT EMMETT FUNNY WHEN HE SAY THAT!!!!????'

**Emmet's thoughts:** Emmett....sugar!....gona go find some!....steal some!....be a bad boy....Rosie loves bad boys like Emmett.....especially when they dresses up and lets Rosie have a whip.......ohhhh.......SUGAR!!!!! UNICORNS!!!....they come for your soul! AHHHH....scream and run away....they is like possessed goats!!!...

**Emmett:** 'EMMETT SCARED!!!!!'

**Emmett's thoughts:** Emmett want hug.....stranger no like Emmett's hugs.....NO COME BACK STRANGER!! I WANT TO HUGS YOU AGAIN! Sob.....Emmett sad.........AND HAPPY AGAIN!! Emmett wants SUGAR!!! Gona go get some!

Grab Edward too...he needs sugar...Jasper too...and Alice....and Esme...and Bella..........and.......CARLISLE!

Carlisle no like sugar! HOWWWW? Impossible....Carlisle need to see doctor...no Carlisle is a doctor...EMMETT MADE A FUNNY!

Bella need sugar...make her hyper....NEED CAFFEINE TOO!!!!!!!!

**Alice:** What the hell did you two do to him?

**Jasper: **It wasn't my fault, Edward made me do it!

**Edward: **I didn't make you do anything! You were the one that put sugar in his drink!

**Jasper: **It was so your fault!

**Edward: **Was not!

**Jasper: **Was too!

**Edward: **WAS NOT!

**Jasper: **IT SO TOTALLY WAS!

**Alice:** SHUT UP! Both of you, we've lost him now

**Jasper: **Damn it! This is all your fault Edward!

**Edward: **Is Not!

**Jasper: **Is too!

**Alice: **I thought I already told you two to shut up!

**Carlisle: **(Appears out of Volterra Tower) ALRIGHT! WHO DID IT?

**Esme: **Calm down Carlbear please!

**Edward, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie: **CARL-BEAR??!!

**Carlisle: **SHUT IT! Now tell me, who spiked Emmett?!

**[Jasper and Edward point at each other]**

**Carlisle: **You obviously don't realize how serious this is.....

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Oooh, what will happen next?

Will Emmett ever find more sugar?

Will Jasper and Edward get more immature?

Will Carlisle ever hear the end of Carl-bear?

Will they ever find Emmett?

Will Bella appear?

Did I leave my straighteners on?

REVIEW AND READ ON TO FIND OUT!

xx


	2. Belly Dancer in Volterra

**I'm baaack!**

**By the Way, these are so OOC, and I have NickNamed all my friends....**

**You didn't think my friend is really called Hay, did you?**

**Hey, Chapter two, what to say.......emmmm **

**Yaknow I'll just do the dedication and the disclaimer:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight *sobs***

**Dedication: To Punch. Control! AHHHHH!**

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**Carlisle: **You obviously don't realize how serious this is.....

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**Emmett Thoughts: **RUN!! SCREAM AND RUN AWAY....Escape from Jazzy Spazzy and Eddiekins! Need SUGAR!!.........oooh Peoples! Hungry......NO! Must not eats people...animal....find sugar and pour on animal....yum yum.....food! In my belly! BELLY! BELLY DANCE!

[Begins to Belly Dance down the street]

**Emmett: **WOOWWAAAAZZ!!!

**[Outside Volterra Tower]**

**Carlisle: **....Aro says we have one hour to find Emmett and stop him doing something that could jeopardize the secret of our kind, if we don't catch him on time, our lives will be in danger

**Edward: **Shit.......

**Jasper: **What he said....

**Alice: **You're both idiots, anyway Carl-bear it should take long to find Emmett, if you listen you can hear him shouting out nonsense.

**Rosalie: **Who spiked my Emmett?! I demand to know!!

**[Jasper and Edward point at each other]**

**Rosalie: **You bastards!

**Carlisle: **Calm down Rose, think pink, breathe in, breathe out

**[Rosalie, unlistening to Carlisle, jumps on Edward and Jasper]**

**Alice: **This is going to be harder than I thought....

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Okay okay, i know it's short but I am exhausted....

I really hate schoolwork...

Summer in 2 weeks....

I can't wait...

Sorry, this chapter was a bit messed up but anyway =/

REVIEW PLEASE!

Make my day and give me some praise and some constructive criticism (see, i can use big words, Hay)

From Zee

x


	3. This way, That way

**Hey, I'm back again, dragging Chapter 3 kicking and screaming behind me**

**I wasn't really sure what to do next....**

**Any ideas?**

**Please?**

**I hate Writers Block =[**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; I just wish I did....**

**Dedication: To Kimba, PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER! I know where you live......**

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**Alice:**This is going to be harder than I thought....

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**Edward: **He's this way *points left*

**Jasper:** No, he's this way *points right*

**Edward: **That way!

**Jasper: **No, that way!

**Edward: **Left!

**Jasper:** Right!

**Edward:** Left!!

**Jasper:** RIGHT!!

**Alice:** You're both wrong, he's over there by the closed candy store...

**Edward: **Uh-oh

**[Window smashy sounds]**

**Emmett: **SUGAR!!!!!!!

**Alice: **Oh craptastic......Carl-bear's goin' to kill us

**Edward: **No he won't

**Jasper: **Yes he will

**Edward: **No he won't!

**Jasper: **YES HE WILL!

**Alice: **SHUT UP AND GO STOP EMMETT!

*Jasper and Edward run to candy shop*

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**Emmett's Thoughts: **SUGAR! EMMETT NEED SUGAR! Where find sugar? Where find Dog? Where find stuff? Found Garbage, it no taste good........*sniffle* ooohaa....ooohaaa....lalala.....OMC a CANDY SHOP! WITH CANDY! WITH SUGAR! AND ALL OF SUGAR'S SUGARY GOODNESS! YAYAYAYAYA! MUST GET SOME! Should Emmett be bad boy and steal?....YES HE SHALL! MWAHAHAHAHA!

*smashes shop window and jumps inside shop*

**Emmett's Thoughts: **SUGARY GOODNESS ON ALL SIDES! Yummyyy! Drooly! Oh my Carlisle, they is after me.....RUN......NO....Stop Emmett! Digest Sugar first..........is priority! No digestion later.........steal now! OMC the sugar is wearing off!

*falls on ground, writhing in pain*

**Emmett's Thoughts: **Losing funny logic.....regaining use of grammar and speech....losing craving....AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm dying.......again! NOO! SAVE ME SOMEBODY!

**Jasper [Standing over a writhing Emmett]: **Is he dying?

**Edward: **No you complete idiot, he's just writhing on the ground for no reason

**Jasper: **Oh...so he's dying?

**Edward: **I don't know....let's ask Carlisle

**Jasper: **Carlisle?

**Edward: **Yes Carlisle, the doctor, our father, ring any bells?

**Jasper: **.........OH! You mean Carlisle Carlisle

**Edward: **I disown you.

**Emmett: ***groan*

**Edward: **Jasper, go get Carlisle already!

**Jasper: **oh okay [wanders away]

**Edward: **Now I know why everyone calls him Jazzy Spazzy

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Okay, so what didja think?

Any good?

I don't know if I should write any more chapters, just start another story or what?

So, Read and Review please!

Lot of love

Zee


	4. To The Cullen Mobile!

**Yeah, Zee is back!**

**And I finally got reviewed! YAY!**

**So thank ****xx-Eyes for Eternity-xx**** for this next chapter**

**She said I was funny! YAY!**

**Sorry, on with the story**

**Me no own this =[**

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**Jasper [walking up to Carlisle]: **Carlisle, Emmett's dying ....

**Carlisle: **That's impossible Jasper, he's dead already

**Jasper: **But Edward said....

**Alice: **Didn't I tell you to ignore Edward 'cause he was just bitter about having to leave Bella back home?

**Jasper: **Sorry Alice....

**Carlisle: **Where is he then?

**Jasper: **Who?

**Carlisle & Alice: **EMMETT!

**Jasper: **Where?

**Carlisle: **My sons are all idiots....

**Alice: **Where. Is. Emmett. Jasper?

**Jasper: **.....Oh! He's over there, in the candy shop, he's writhing on the floor in pain..

**[Carlisle and Alice run to Candy Shop]**

**Jasper: **Tra-lala-la-la-lalala-la-la-lalala

**Alice: **Jasper! Get your but over here! NOW!

**Jasper: **Coming Alice...

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**WhatIsMyName13: **Sorry, couldn't resist putting in an A/N, but you can tell you controls the relationship, Jasper may wear trousers but Alice wears THE trousers

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**[In the Candy Shop]**

**Carlisle [Kicking Emmett who is lying on the floor]: **Emmett, get up you fool!

**Emmett: **Leave me alone... my head hurts...Urghh

**Carlisle: **Jasper! Edward! Help him up! Alice, leave money on the reception to pay for the window!

**[Jasper & Alice & Edward salute and run in different direction]**

**Edward: **Jasper! Emmett's over here!

**Jasper: **ooh right, sorry Edward...

**[Aro appears from no-where]**

**Aro: **60 seconds....

**Edward: **Shut up Aro!

**Aro: **Teehee....58.......57........56......55.......54

**[All the Cullens run out of the shop]**

**Carlisle: **To the Cullen Mobile!

**Alice: **I'll phone Rose and Esme

**Rosalie: **Don't bother, we're already here

**Jasper [shouting at Aro and the Volturi]: **Run, Run, Run as fast as you can, you can't catch us, we're the vampire......people!

**Alice: ***sigh* I sometimes wonder why I love you...

**[All arrive at the **_**Cullen Mobile **_**which is actually just Emmett's Jeep with a superman sticker on it]**

**Carlisle: **Let's go!

**Edward [in driver's seat]: **Where the hell are the keys?

**Carlisle: **Can you not hotwire it?

**Edward: **No, Rose fixed it so it's impossible to hotwire!

**Jasper: **AHHHH! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!

**Aro: **Mwahahaha!

**Carlisle: **LEG IT!

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**Okay, watcha think?**

**Any good?**

**I'll be away for the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday, so not much updating will be happening but I'll try to write as quick as my fingers allow..**

**READ AND REVIEW PLEASE PEOPLES!**

**See ya'll soon**

**Love **

**Zee **

**xxx**


	5. Carlisle's Brain Scream

**Okay, I'm back again!**

**Thanks so much to all of you who reviewed and said such nice things 3**

**It's rather good for my confidence**

**Anyway, on with the show...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight....yet**

**Dedication: El, you is awesome little girl but please, stop biting me!**

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**Carlisle:**LEG IT!

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**[Outside Volterra walls]**

**Emmett: **What happened?

**Carlisle: **SOMEONE spiked your drink with a lot of sugar; it made your already hyperactive mind go completely mental

**Edward: **I nearly called the men in the white coats

**Alice: **I resent that

**Edward: **Shut up Pixie!

**Jasper: **groowwlllll

**Carlisle: **Be quiet!

**Carlisle's thoughts: **I really need to get a new family 

**Edward: **Hey, Carlisle, that's not very nice!

**Carlisle's thoughts: **Damn it, forgot he can do that....gives me an idea!

**Edward: **NO! Carlisle, don't, please!

**Carlisle: **Sorry, Edward, mwahahaha!

**Alice: **GO CARLISLE!

**Jasper: **Why is Carlisle suddenly feeling evil?

**Emmett [leaning heavily on Rose who is straining with the effort]: **huh?

**Carlisle's thoughts: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Edward [head explodes, metaphorically]: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Carlisle: **MWAHAHAHAHA!

**Edward: **Shit that hurt [holding side of head in pain]

**Esme: **Can we all go home now?

**Carlisle: **Yes dear, of course we can

**Edward: **Why are you suddenly so nicey nicey again?

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward again]**

**Edward: **Owww

**Jasper: **Can I ask how are we getting back to Forks without a car?

**Emmett: **What the hell? Where's my Jeep?

**Edward: **It's dead

**Emmett: **NO!!! MY BABY!!!!

**Rosalie: **Shut up Em!

**Emmett: **Sorry Rosie...*sniffle*

**Carlisle: **The airport is this way, we can call a cab

**Edward: **But he'll drive as slow as Bella! It's annoying! Can't we knock him out and steal the cab?

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward again]**

**Edward: **sob....sob

**Esme: **Cab's on the way, we're going home

**Edward: **My head hurts....

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward again]**

**Edward: **What the fudge? I didn't do anything!

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward again]**

**Carlisle: **I'm just feeling evil today...

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward again]**

**Edward: **AHHHHH!

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward again]**

**Jasper: **I would just shut up if I were you... I think the Volturi are manipulating Carl-bear

**Emmett: **How?

**Jasper: **I don't know....

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**So, what did you think of that one?**

**Come on peoples, reviews make my day! =]**

**Read and Review =]**

**Love you all**

**Zee**

**xx**


	6. Just Like The Movies

**Hello, I'm back again**

**Thanks to all my reviewers, I love you all!**

**Alyce-Cullen**

**Blackest of the Black**

**xx-Eyes for Eternity-xx**

**Ballerinavampire**

**I'll mention you BUT only if you review!**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN! *sniffle***

**Dedication: Lex, Lemme say this:**

**Daniel, he comes for your soul! Yet we still will never know who Daniel is....**

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**Jasper: **I don't know....

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**Edward: **Mind Control?

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward]**

**Edward: **Ow....

**[Carlisle uses his Brain Scream on Edward]**

**Carlisle: **MWAHAHAHA!

**Jasper:** You can tell I'm right? Honestly, have you ever seen him this mental?

**Emmett: **Try slapping him, it works in the movies

**[Jasper walks up to Carlisle, who is still torturing Eddie, and slaps him in the face, hard]**

**Carlisle: **Woahh.......I feel dizzy

**Edward: **Yay! It worked!

**Esme:** Carlisle, honey, let's go home

**Carlisle: **Oh....okay [stumbles and falls] ouch!

**Emmett:** Is he okay?

**Edward:** Oh, so you worry about him when he falls over but don't worry about me while Carlisle mentally tortures me? Oh that's lovely that is

**Alice:** Shut up

**Edward:** groowwlll....

**Jasper:** grrrr....

**[Start wrestling]**

**Emmett: **I want to join in!

**Aro [sneakily appearing]:** Hello my lovelies, want to come back to Volterra for a spot of torture!! MWAHAHAHA! And by torturing, I mean me torturing you...

**Alice:** Well duh!

**Aro:** Don't insult my intelligence-ness!

**Edward:** Dude, that's not even a word!

**Aro:** SHUT UP!

**Emmett:** Make us!

**Jasper:** Dude, don't provoke him!

**Aro:** JANE! THEY'RE BEING MEAN TO ME! TORTURE THEM!

**[Jane appears and all Cullens fall on the ground in pain]**

**Cullens: **OWW!

**Edward:** What is it with people torturing me mentally today?! I mean what the hell!?

**Jane:** Because it's fun darling!

**Aro:** I'm feeling kind today so I shall let you go but please young Edward, come and visit [perverted wink and smile]

**Carlisle: **Home-ward Bound!

**Jasper:** Just like that film with the cat and two dogs!

**Carlisle:** sighhhhh

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**Okays, what cha think this time?**

**I know it's very mish-mash but that's my style **

**Until next time...**

**Farewell**

**Lolz -**

**Love from **

**Zee**

**xx**


	7. Edward the Emo

Yeah so, I know most of you thought I wouldn't update again...neither did I to be honest but I am currently sick in bed and bored out of my brain, I decided I would write more of this =D

Oh and if it is crap it's cuz I got about half an hour sleep last night so..=/

I regret to inform you that I still do not own Twilight =(

Dedication: Ren, I am sitting on a bin, sitting on a bin!

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**(5 Hours after the Incident in Volterra)**

**All the Cullen's walk at a human pace towards their home**

**Edward: *is skipping* **I cannot wait to see Bella!!! YAY!!

**Carlisle: **Yes, we know, you only told us *counts on his fingers* 200 times in the past hour

**Esme: **How did you count all those on your fingers Carly? Do you have like...200 fingers? That would be cool! Wouldn't it Jazzy?

**Jasper: *is walking in a random zigzag pattern* **what? Huh? Oh...Yeah ***starts to whistle 'If your happy and you know it'***

**Esme: **Do you agree Emmey and Rosie?

***eerie wind signifies that they are gone..Disappeared...Vamoosed***

**(They arrive at the house)**

**Edward: **BELLA!! ***runs into the house***

**Bella: (is unconscious and sprawled over the sofa)**

**Alice: **Meep

**Edward: **I smell ***sniffs the air* **Vomit....Cocaine....Cannabis.....Marijuana....Alcohol....Cigarette smoke and ***sniffs air again* **Humans ***narrows eyes***

**Bella: **Mulfuffle...Crakauntio...lighhious....Eds....Terrwy....

**Edward: *looks down at her* **Aw

**Bella: **Eds....Eds....

**Edward: **I'm here Bella

**Bella: *shouts in her sleep* **PUT ON THE TALKING HEADS ALBUM!!

**Edward: *runs to his room to cry and write emo poetry then later on to start self-harming***

**(Enter Emmett and Rosalie)**

**Rosalie: **Why does the house smell like drugs?

**Emmett: *looks at Rosalie hopefully* **Drugs?

**Rosalie: **No Emmett

**Emmett: *cries***

**Rosalie: **I'm going for a shower ***goes upstairs***

**Jasper: *sneakily passes Emmett a spliff* **

**Emmett: *runs outside and proceeds to get high***

**(10 MINS LATER)**

**Emmett: **BLEACHHA!!!!!! ***is swinging off trees***

**Edward: *is online buying all the emo clothes someone could possibly own***

**Jasper: *is playing the 'Put the shapes in the right holes' and is failing dramatically***

**Esme: *is cleaning***

**Rosalie: *is in the process of disowning her family***

**Carlisle: *is trying to fix a spoon with a screwdriver***

**Alice: *is hiding in a corner having been traumatized by Aro***

**Bella: *is still out cold* **BLECHLE!! ***jumps up* **CARSONTEBOO!

**Jasper: **Keaditong!

**Bella: **Barsaggle

**Jasper: **Blechluh huhhjumpiol

**Bella: **Huyy!

**(Bella and Jasper hug each other)**

**Edward: *walks down the stairs moodily***

**Bella: *runs at Edward* **EDWARD!!!

**Edward: *holds up his hand to stop her* **No physical contact

**Bella: **Edward? Are you wearing...eyeliner?

**Edward: **....***turns to Carlisle* **Carlisle, where do we keep the razors?

**Carlisle: **Study Cupboard ***whacks spoon with a mallet***

**Bella: **Edward? Eddieward? Eddbear? My love?

**Edward: *walks upstairs***

**Bella: **Alice, drive me to the nearest cliff please!!!!!

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Done....for now

I honestly don't know if there will be anymore but ...yeah anyway

READ AND REVIEW PEOPLES!!

Lovee

Zee

(your bringer of retarded stories)


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